Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Release Blitz & Giveaway - Father by Clarissa Wild




Title: Father
Author: Clarissa Wild
Genre: Romantic Suspense/Taboo Romance
Release Date: April 25, 2017



Blurb

Confess your sin. 

People call me Father, but I prefer Frank because I’m the worst preacher you’ll ever meet.

Days spent completely wasted pull a number on you, especially when you’ve got a truckload of baggage that comes with it.

Until this beautiful girl in the back of the church takes my breath away.

…And we end up committing sacrilege in the confessional.

Did I mention I’m filthy?

Bad doesn’t even begin to describe me, and after one taste of what she’s got to offer, I want more.

Too bad having a dirty mind isn’t the only thing we’ve got in common…

Our past is laced with sin. 

Author’s Note: This book is not for everyone. It’s raw. It’s vulgar. It’s downright offensive. But it’s oh so damn delicious with a capital D. If you are easily offended or prudish, please don’t read this book. But if you like a bit of humor mixed in with raunchiness and brawling, you’ll love this book.

Contains disturbing situations, strong language, and graphic violence.





Purchase Links


Free in Kindle Unlimited




Free extended epilogue!!!
(must read Father first)





Trailer



Excerpt

She smiles again and bites her lip, looking at me with those dreamy eyes. Gosh, I wanna kiss her so badly. And then I figure … why not?

So I grab her face and pull her close until our lips touch and our mouths lock. I can’t help but smile as I kiss her because every second I taste her on my lips is another win.

She’s everything I ever wanted, and I think I’m only just beginning to understand what this means for me. For us. For the future.

When our lips unlatch, her face still hovers so close to mine. I can feel her hot breath on my skin, and it makes me wanna do all the dirty stuff I promised the nurses I wouldn’t. The question is: Would anyone notice if we did?

“I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no,” she quips, putting up a finger.

“Aw … c’mon.” I sigh.

“No! This is a hospital, for crying out loud.” She snorts. “But I’m glad your dick still works perfectly fine.”

“You can break my bones and shoot me down, but nothing will ever stop this monster dick from getting stiff as a rod, trust me.”

She snorts, and I kiss her again for good measure, tasting the sweetness that is her mouth so I can remember it while I’m stuck in this stupid hospital bed and she’s gone home.

“Ugh … I wish I could stay,” she murmurs against my lips.

“Can’t you?”

“I’m not a patient, remember?”

“You could be. There’s an empty bed. I’ll kick Carl out.”

She sniggers from my comment. “You’ll be out in no time.”

“And what then?” I ask. “Are you coming to live with me in the church or …?”

“No, thanks. I don’t wanna get killed by Margaret. Or worse … give her a heart attack.”

“Heart attack?” I frown.

“She’d die of one if she caught us having sex one more time.”

I laugh. “Well, she’ll just have to deal with that then. I mean, c’mon, a man’s got his needs, right? She knows that.”

“Does she even like me?” she asks, toying with my hair.

“Of course, she does.” I grab her hand and kiss the back. “You like me … so she likes you too. The two go hand in hand.”

“Really?” She raises a brow. “Because I know what we did last time we were there, and it wasn’t pretty.”

“We’ll be more … secretive from now on,” I muse, biting my lip. “And I can’t wait to defile the church all over again.” I grunt and pull her onto the bed with me, smashing my lips to hers, fiercely taking her.

I can’t help myself. It’s just the way I am. A needy asshole who can’t get enough of her.

“Stop,” she murmurs, grinning. “We have to behave.”

“For now. But wait until I’m outta here. Then we’ll see how bad I can get.”

“Who says I wanna?”

“Don’t lie to yourself,” I tease, poking her in the belly. “You and I both know you want me.”

“Fine.” She rolls her eyes. “I’ll take you back, but …” She pushes me back with a flat hand. “You still have some making up and groveling to do, Mister.”

With a lopsided smile, I say, “Call me Father Frank … and I’ll make you confess all your sins.”





Author Bio


Clarissa Wild is a New York Times & USA Today Bestselling author, best known for the dark Romance novel Mr. X. Her novels include the Fierce Series, the Delirious Series, Stalker Duology, Twenty-One (21), Ultimate Sin, VIKTOR, and Bad Teacher. She is also a writer of erotic romance such as the Blissful Series, The Billionaire's Bet series, and the Enflamed Series. She is an avid reader and writer of sexy stories about hot men and feisty women. Her other loves include her furry cat friend and learning about different cultures. In her free time she enjoys watching all sorts of movies, reading tons of books and cooking her favorite meals.



Author Links

Giveaway

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Cover Reveal - Only Fools Jump by K.P. Haigh

Title: Only Fools Jump
Author: K.P. Haigh
Release Date: July 28, 2016
Add to Goodreads
Only fools jump...and Zoey Porter is no fool. At least not anymore. One tiny mistake when she was eighteen led to two very real consequences—the kind that keep you up all night and demand breakfast in the morning.
The only thing Zoey has time for these days is dry shampoo, energy bars, and that magical photo filter that erases the circles under her eyes.
So when Elliott MacCallister knocks on the door like a #nofilternecessary god, Zoey knows she’s in serious trouble.
With Elliott as the newly-minted resident of her boss’s pool house, keeping her distance is easier said than done.
Time to stock up on wine, cookies, and a portable fan. This summer just got complicated.
Only Fools Jump is like cotton candy for your soul—light and sweet. It’s a full length, standalone romantic comedy. It’ll be impossible to stop smiling after you devour this perfect summer read.
Recommended for 18+ due to language and some sexual content.
On sale for $0.99 for a limited time!
“Can I get you anything? Water, tea, soda?” I hear myself asking. Chalk it up to my automatic response system for houseguests. He might murder me with an ice pick in a second, but at least I offered him a beverage.
“I’ll have a Gatorade. I’m sure Sam keeps some stashed in there. Thanks.” Another point in his favor: Samantha totally does keep Gatorade in the fridge—it’s the only non-organic, high-sugar thing in there.
I walk over to the fridge and make the mistake of looking at Elliott on my way over. He’s smiling at me, and I notice he has a single dimple on his right cheek. It’s like the universe knew giving him two dimples would be unfair to the rest of us.
Ahh. I need to focus. “Okay, so how are you going to prove you’re really who you say you are? Do you happen to have a DNA test in your back pocket?”
And what fine pockets they are. His jeans are the perfect cross between hipster slim and boringly straight. He’s obviously well-acquainted with the inside of a gym because I can see the outline of his quads through the dark denim all the way from here.
Elliott’s eyes lock onto mine when I finally make it back up to his face. His eyebrows tick upward. Yup, I’m pretty sure he realizes I was just checking out his denim—and everything underneath it. I open the fridge door and stick my head in while my cheeks turn hot pink.
K.P. Haigh joined the adult world as a project manager. After spending years in spreadsheets, she put her love of blank notebooks to good use and started spinning words into love stories.
In a perfect world, K.P. would have a never-ending supply of coffee, carbs, and sticky notes. She corners the market on ridiculous facial expressions and is happiest when she's cooking for people or making them laugh.
She’s always up for crispy French fries and can’t wait for self-driving cars to take over the world so she can read on her way to everywhere.
K.P. lives in Seattle with the man who loves her crazy and their son, who inherited half of it.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Release Blitz & Giveaway - Bad Teacher by Clarissa Wild




Title: Bad Teacher
Author: Clarissa Wild
Genre: Contemporary Romance
 Release Date: June 28, 2016



Blurb

My name is Thomas and I’m always hard.
No really, that’s my last name. Thomas Hard, the pleasure is all mine … literally.
I can’t help it that my name suits me well.
You know what else suits me well? That girl sitting across the bar, with her lips right where I tell them to be. I want her, and when I want something, it’s gonna be mine.
One night. No names. No phone numbers. Just me, her, and pure pleasure.
Except, that one girl turns out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
Why?
Because I broke my cardinal rule …
Never bang a student.

*Author’s note: Don’t like reckless decisions & unbridled screwing? Don’t love girls that are obsessed with ice cream, rainbows, and unicorns? Don’t enjoy a bit of corny humor sprinkled on top? Then this book is not for you. And last but not least, if you hate cats with giant jewels … Don’t even bother.*






Purchase Links







Trailer




Excerpt

He reaches into his pocket.

Something inside starts to vibrate.

I squeal.

Everyone turns around.

Thomas places his finger on his own lips and shushes me.

“Don’t make a sound.”

“What the fuck?” I say.

“Shh … not so loud. You don’t want everyone here to know you have a butt plug in your ass, do you?” he whispers.

“Is that thing vibrating? Oh, my god.” My pupils dilate and then I growl, “You’re doing this.”

“Yes, I am. I needed to make a point here.”

“What point?” I shudder and clench my legs from the vibration, which pulses through me, causing delicious thumps.

Fuck. How am I supposed to concentrate on the conversation? How am I supposed to eat my damn venison if I can’t lift a damn fork without shaking?

“You are mine, Hailey. Whether you think you are or not doesn’t matter. When I say you’re mine, you’re mine completely. No one, and I mean no one, is going to touch you. I don’t share what belongs to me.”

“I don’t belong—”

“You belonged to me the moment I stuck my tongue into your pussy, and you know it,” he growls softly. “You think I’m playing around, don’t you? I’m not. I may not want to define whatever the fuck it is we’re doing here, but that doesn’t make me any less of a greedy motherfucker. And I am fucking greedy when it comes to you. That’s a problem of mine that I’m willing to admit now, having you on my mind every goddamn second of the day, wishing I could stick my tongue in your pussy and then my cock until I hear you scream my name. I also finally came to terms with the fact that I am one jealous asshole, and you won’t like me one bit when I’m jealous, Hailey, so don’t you make me one by letting other boys get a taste.”

I’m baffled.

I don’t even know what to say.

Completely fucking speechless, that’s what.

And I don’t even know if I’m supposed to take this as a compliment or a threat.

Judging by the sensations between my legs, I guess it’s good either way.

Not that I still have a choice in the matter. The more he talks, the more I want him to shut up and kiss me.

Now, I know what Lesley means when she’s talking about alpha men. He’s the prime example.

“Did you understand all that, Hailey?”

“Um … yes? I guess?” I say, licking my lips from the tightness in my ass that I’m suddenly very aware of, considering we’re in a restaurant.

The vibrating increases in intensity, making me squirm in my seat.

“Not. Good. Enough,” he growls. “Tell me exactly what you won’t be doing.”

“I won’t be seducing guys or letting anyone else touch me.”

“And?”

“I belong to you, even though we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Exactly. And when I ask you to tell me something, you will tell me.”

“Fine, yes,” I whisper, breathing heavily through my mouth to cope with the increased pleasure I’m feeling down below. Goddamn. It feels so wrong inside a restaurant.

“Yes, what?” He pulls the item from his pocket and shows it to me. “Or do you want me to turn this up a notch?”

“Yes, Sir!” I say, a little bit louder than intended, causing people to turn their heads.

He smiles wickedly. “Good.”

The vibrating loses its power, but it doesn’t stop completely.

“Why are you doing this?” I mutter. “We’re in a fucking restaurant.”

“I don’t care where we are. I will give you pleasure whenever I want, wherever I want. Because… let’s face it, that wasn’t really punishment, was it? Tell me the truth.” he muses, placing the item on the table in full view. Goddamn, it feels like a jab. Like he knows he owns me or something. Of course, he does. I know it too. I just wish I could own him too.

I sigh and pat my dress, trying to regain whatever’s left of my self-control. “Yes, Sir … I kinda liked it.”

“Hmm … that’s my good girl.”

Just those words … they do something to me.

Especially the part when he says ‘my.’

It makes my stomach flutter.

Thomas picks up his fork and takes a few more bites before putting it down again. Then he looks at me, at my plate, my fork, and points. “Are you done?”

I nod, trying to act as normal as possible while my ass feels like it’s on fire.

“Then let’s get outta here.”

“But we haven’t had dessert yet.”

“Oh … I know.” He grins. “We’ll get to that part soon.” He casually waves at the waiter. “Bill please!”






Author Bio


Clarissa Wild is a New York Times & USA Today Bestselling author, best known for the dark Romance novel Mr. X. Her novels include the Fierce Series, the Delirious Series, Stalker Duology, Twenty-One (21), Ultimate Sin, VIKTOR, and Bad Teacher. She is also a writer of erotic romance such as the Blissful Series, The Billionaire's Bet series, and the Enflamed Series. She is an avid reader and writer of sexy stories about hot men and feisty women. Her other loves include her furry cat friend and learning about different cultures. In her free time she enjoys watching all sorts of movies, reading tons of books and cooking her favorite meals.


Author Links

Giveaway

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Cover Reveal & Giveaway - Bad Teacher by Clarissa Wild




Title: Bad Teacher
Author: Clarissa Wild
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Cover Design: Booming Covers
 Release Date: June 28, 2016



Blurb

My name is Thomas and I’m always hard.
No really, that’s my last name. Thomas Hard, the pleasure is all mine … literally.
I can’t help it that my name suits me well.
You know what else suits me well? That girl sitting across the bar, with her lips right where I tell them to be. I want her, and when I want something, it’s gonna be mine.
One night. No names. No phone numbers. Just me, her, and pure pleasure.
Except, that one girl turns out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
Why?
Because I broke my cardinal rule …
Never bang a student.

*Author’s note: Don’t like reckless decisions & unbridled screwing? Don’t love girls that are obsessed with ice cream, rainbows, and unicorns? Don’t enjoy a bit of corny humor sprinkled on top? Then this book is not for you. And last but not least, if you hate cats with giant jewels … Don’t even bother.*






Pre-order Links







Excerpt

Unedited excerpt - Copyright 2016 Clarissa Wild


“I’m going to teach you my rules,” he whispers, and his tongue briefly darts out to lick my earlobe, sending waves of heat down my body.

Then he steps back, leaving the air thick with desire.

But before I can glance over my shoulder, his commanding voice takes over.

“Bend over.”

I hesitate.

Three seconds.

That’s all it takes for me to actually go through with it.

My body leans over on its own while my brain shouts at me. What am I doing? Why am I doing this?

“Lower. Face-down on the desk.”

I don’t know why, but I listen.

With my head and tits on the desk, I suck in a breath, awaiting the next move.

I’m insane. Lost my fucking mind.

His hand gently pets my back, gliding down until he’s on my ass … where he grasps me firmly, squeezing tight. I hiss, biting my lip. Memories of our night together resurface, my panties getting wet from just his touch.

“You tempt me too much, Hailey …” he murmurs with a deliciously low voice.

His hand reaches down my skirt and roughly shoves it up, pulling it over my back.

I freeze.

What the fuck.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?

I shiver as his hand travels over my panties and across my ass, and my heart beat shoots through the roof. This is crazy. We’re in a room that can’t be locked. Anyone could come in at any time. Anyone could see us.

And still, I don’t stop him.

I don’t say no.

Neither do I want to.

But then his hand comes down on my ass.

Hard.

“You make me do bad … bad things, Hailey.”

Again.

I slam my lips together to prevent any sound from spilling out.

His hand is rough and ruthless as it spanks my ass again and again.

One after the other until both my cheeks zing with red hot pain.

My body bucks against the table each time his hand strikes my ass. It hurts, but not enough to make me cry. Enough to make my legs shake with desire, though.

It’s sick. Completely twisted, and yet I still don’t want to tell him to stop.

Maybe I just don’t want to give him the satisfaction of winning our argument. Or maybe I’m willing to take whatever he’s willing to give.

“You have such a nice ass …” he says softly, rubbing my painful ass with his flat hand. Every movement makes me twitch with excitement. “It should be cherished. Especially when red. Has anyone ever told you that before?”

I shake my head.

He fists my hair and pulls my head back enough for me to gasp. “Answer when I ask you a question.”

“No,” I say.

“It’s Sir for you, Hailey.” He grabs my ass again, this time even harder than before. “Say it again.”

“No, Sir.”

I moan out loud when he smacks me again.

“Good girl.” I can almost hear the smile in his voice.

I expect him to spank me some more, but his fingers are so gentle on my skin that it makes me relax. My muscles unwinds from all the tension, but my pussy is thumping so hard I can feel it through my entire body.

When his hand disappears, I’m left struggling to breathe.

After a while, I look back over my shoulder.

He’s not even there anymore. He’s standing at another table, gathering pieces of paper and putting them on a stack.

Confused, I stand up again and pull my skirt back down. He doesn’t look at me, which surprises me, after what he just did.

Jesus Christ.

I can’t even think about it straight.

What just happened here?

I step back slowly, trying not to make a sound. As I turn, my eyes search the room, hoping not to find anyone who has been sneaking a peek. Luckily, I don’t see anything but a door, to which I immediately start to walk. Right before I open the door, his voice booms once more through the room, reminding me who’s in charge. “I’ll see you Monday, Hailey. Don’t be late.”






Author Bio


Clarissa Wild is a New York Times & USA Today Bestselling author, best known for the dark Romance novel Mr. X. Her novels include the Fierce Series, the Delirious Series, Stalker Duology, Twenty-One (21), Ultimate Sin, VIKTOR, and Bad Teacher. She is also a writer of erotic romance such as the Blissful Series, The Billionaire's Bet series, and the Enflamed Series. She is an avid reader and writer of sexy stories about hot men and feisty women. Her other loves include her furry cat friend and learning about different cultures. In her free time she enjoys watching all sorts of movies, reading tons of books and cooking her favorite meals.


Author Links

Giveaway